Old Moon

...maybe seeing new moon wasnt a great choice, and as Bella cried herself to sleep...screaming agianst nightmeres and waking up in tears, it brought back that painful memory of Matt...the one that i lie to myself about everyday...i always tell myself how better off i am but i just keep telling myself that lie...like somehow it might come true...but hes my Edward...the boi that left me except i know better...i know he didnt do it to protect me...Matt broke me because he didnt love me and i will never know why...i will never understand this dark place that he put me in...and as i fight this feeling...im still in this happy place...im climbing out of this deep hole where ive been dumped...ive always been better then this...ive always been smarter then this...i shouldnt of put my whole heart on the line in this situaton - but as i look back at this summer love i cant help but find the perfection in it - and Matt will always be my nightmere...the one that makes me cry...and i remember the depression and the scares he left on not only my heart but my wrist...because i had to break the promise i kept to him - its the only way i felt free...free of him...yet i cant help but think of the way his words used to keep my soul filled with the most amazing warm feeling...his voice, his laugh, his personality is perfect enough its not worth the lost - completely worth the tears...and gone forever
and thats wat i live with...and as i watched that movie i saw his face in my head...and then i look to my right and see my Jacob...Theron is always going to be there...so this is what the end is like...this is what its really like to lose something and not get it back...this is what its like to be forgiven and realize that Theron is the one that will always be around to fix the broken pieces of my devastated heart....
thats something to be thankful for

p.s. He is really gone now...