i chose to live

last night i chose to live...mainly because i bought one single ticket to the concert of my life....yes Green Day! i will be going alone but who even gives a damn...i have an amazing seat and i can take care of myself. I just gave myself something to live for...at least for the time being.
I am confused...slightly as to how i keep drawing conclusions in my life to how is going to be lived...yet i always seem to be redirected later down the road. Things werent so easy when i was younger either...but they seemed a lot less complicated. I dont feel like i questioned things as much, i feel like i just took things as they where and left it at that. I wish i could stop questioning now...start letting things go just because i should. I had this fabulous relationship going for me...then one single moment ended it all. And what does that relationship mean now? All it is...is memories, just little bits and pieces that come to my mind. Signifigant enough to make a mark...but weak enough to fall apart. Some things make me really sad...certain things that remind me of him. I look at every other guy and i have to point out all the things that he would never do...that Theron did. I just gave up perfect...so where does that leave me. I now have to fix myself...cause im terribly broken. Keep holding on to a no longer exisiting reason, and just learn to toughen up and deal with it. For the time being i just want to make my body sick...i deserve so much pain, and here i am confessing every heart felt word i think to myself in my mind.
So here i am...holding on for my dream of Green Day...but slowly falling apart until i find myself agian