one day short of a month

Ive got a whole entire day under my belt...and all i can think of is "wow that was a fucking gay day" so who cares what everyone else thinks about Theron and I...what matters is just him and I..but what matters now is us being apart...yesterday i went to go and see him with no intention of walking out on him like i was forced to do...and now i cant see him for a whole terrible long and agonizing month... i hate it...i hate the thought of it...and i hate living it
i hate that he couldnt look me in the eyes and tell me that he wanted to be with be for sure
i hate that i cant make him as happy as i would like him to be
i hate so many things right now that im sitting alone in this dark room and thats been the story of my life for the whole entire day now...how pathetic...
i cant feel anything and there is no emotion left inside of me at this point...im alone and for the first time i feel like i would rather be alone then live the lie of Theron
he practically thru everything in my face...tore out my hope and dreams and trampled on them twice...i stress him out...he had the nerve to say that
and to be honest im just sitting here wishing that we could make love and leave...i just want to use him...
he rejected me yesterday...i walked out on him this time though...i got in the last word
and as he stood in front of my car i felt like i just wanted to punch everything...and throw a huge blown out tantrum...because he doesnt deserve to take what was left of my happiness and he doesnt deserve to make me cry anymore...no one does
so i yelled at him and i got in the last word and drove away...so he has to live with that memory
no more ring
no more texting
no more calling
no more of anything that is attached to the memory of him
if he wants me in his life...he will find a way to put me there
as for now ill do what i can to remind myself of whats important
...and soon enough he will realize whats important to him

over and out
((hurt enough to not even care))