You just stay where you are

...alone...all day...no one around...no one to say good morning too...no one to say good night too
so this is it...this is life without him...because he is gone and no one is worth talking with because hes not in my life anymore...and last night we said we would talk today, he has no interest, but to break me...and i cant handle that right now, i would rather stay puzzeled as to why this all is happening, then to know the truth at this moment
because at this moment i am extremely ill
i feel like im not only dieing inside, but my physical being cant take the pain of losing him
and im a master at playing off my feelings to the rest of the world, so im the only one who knows about how dark things are getting when im stuck here...in this room...by myself
i dont really care about what other people around me are thinking...because im hurt
because im sick
because when i needed Theron the most...he walked out on me agian...you would think thats a sign of having to let someone go...but when Theron walks out on me i crave him even more, all i can do is think of how to fix it...all i can do is listen to those sad songs that fill me with so much pain that it feels good to at least feel something...
and i want to change...even tho i would hate to change who i am...but if it means getting Theron back then its worth every effort
I had a dream last night about our wedding invitations...and how perfect they would look with the both of our names on it Theron + Taylor forever.

But reality isnt like that anymore...he goes to my best friend for everything...and here i am...hopeless...he wouldnt listen to me when we where together and that makes me feel like i was worthless...i just miss someone texting me that actually cared about me...i miss the way he would hold me from behind....so warm
...and he would be here right now...while im in this heartbreaking pain...and then maybe i would be healed faster if he was...but no...i managed to push him away agian...and all i do is sleep and pray that maybe today will be the day for answers....today will be the day he runs back to me with all the love he ever knew of
damnit im in soo much freaking pain right now it hurts to move...it hurts to exsist