Theron

I saw two Comanches in the past week or soo...you wont believe the one i saw im Manitou it was huge!! I took a picture on my phone...because it made me feel like maybe you would appreciate the life we once lived and the way i cared about you.
This Comanche was in hella good shape too! Wish you could have been there to see it...
I saw another one driving down the interstate...not anything special...but to me it signified a time in my life where i was extremely lucky to be loved by you
You taught me so much
...and no one can take away the memories of you and I...me laying in your lap while you drove...attempting to teach me stick...all those times at the junk yard
and i just feel extremely blessed to have lived a part of my life with you...and i accept the things that remind me of you, and i smile and i move along with my day
...because you should only be remembered as the boi who changed my life, opened my heart, and really set a standard for the type of guy that i would like to have in my life
So while i still feel like calling you everytime i see an extraordinary looking VW...or a good looking Comanche...ill always remember in my heart that i wouldnt want to ask anyone else in the world about cars...only you
:) everyday is a new battle, but its a battle im willing to fight
i can finally feel agian and im exploring the world in a whole new different perspective
i hope everyday you wake up and smile about our past together...and just be happy
this is life
and its the only one we where given to live
you are truely a part of me forever and always
and i hope you remember that....
Love is Our Only Reality

...Today

I feel like im a recovering alocholic...like everyday from today is going to be this huge emotionl and physical battle between my mind and body...like everyday i have to go to my own AA meeting and convince myself that the life i left behind is never worth returning to because so many where hurt and broken by my behavior...including myself...

but i really wasnt that screwed up was i?

...and what would you to for the people you care about?? how far would you go in order to change to be a better person...to impress yourself and everyone else??
i feel like the majority of people want to change...but never truely believe in themselves...or they change but they fall back into old habits...

and ive been to both sides of the specturm...and i finally had a good day yesterday where i feel like i accomplished alot and i feel like i beat a good amount of my initial fears...because i no longer let HIM hold me back anymore...i let God back into my life...and i pleased myself with my behavior and habits throughout the day

i know people never change...they just get better at hiding their faults...so here i am desperately hiding my faults...and everyday is going to be a new battle agianst them...but we all have to fight agianst something...and im choosing my battles and taking my guard agianst them with all my heart, strength, and drive

i believe i can do anything

Life is about Living

so i went to bed last night...feeling like i struggle with a lot of addictions and im willing to take my own advice this morning
today im going to be a different person...im going to live a different life with a more fufilling outlook and just in general do more for others then myself!
this life is a one time oppourtunity to life, laugh, and love...and maybe love dosnt have to require someone else right now

i want to feel like im doing this whole world right when i wake up in the morning...i want to feel less guilty...and more deserving of things
i miss my religion - my faith in God, He has always carried me thru - even when i fall

i should be a little more adventurous and a lot more outgoing

theres a balance, and i know that im strong enough to find it and passionate enough to continue living my life in a pleasing manner

its all a mind set and im going to prove to people that strength to become whoever you want to be comes from within

Dear God,
Thank You

If today i fail to change...

I am very much out of control...and i know i have the inner strength to fix myself...the business major in me feels like i need to plan every second of every moment of my life out in order to prevent the mass chaos that i find myself in

so today im taking the time to take a step back and plan...plan out the next two weeks of my life and really put my life into perspective
i have to stop living like i want to die
just because love walked out of my life and is not coming back dosnt mean my whole world should suffer

i can be a big gurl about this...i can pick myslef up off the floor, wipe my eyes, and look at myself in the mirror and remember how beautiful i am
because the boi that broke me dosnt deserve to continuously hurt me
i cant let him have me anymore
its really been a rough year...but i want to be a person of high standards and morale value by the time i turn twenty
i believe that i owe it to myself to make a mark on this world and accomplish the goals that i literally dream about

and i will surround myself with healthy prospects
i will ask God to take a bigger part of my life into his hands
i will rely on myself for strength and reliability
i am who i create myself to be...i can be whoever i choose
and because i am not fully happy with where i am now...a change needs to take place and thats exactly what i will do

no more past
no more tears
no more regrets
no more fears

Playing Your Dredful Game

3OH!3 - R.I.P



Jeremy McComb - This Town Needs A Bar



Danielle Peck - I Don't



Lifehouse - It Is What It Is

Waiting around...agian

fuck my life i wrote a whole gawd dam paper for Theron and his fucking teacher liked his version better...thats fine i was sick of wasting my FLIPPING TIME TYRING TO MAKE HIM CONTENT WITH LIFE ANYWAYS>>>WOWOWOWOWOW wat a fucking waste
when am i going to learn to stop helping people that hurt me....i have a serious issue that should be resolved at some point because its obviously not working out for my retarded ass
screw this....screw it hard and loud
i havnt done a whole lot in the past couple days...ive been banshing myself to the dark abyss that i call my room...with the windoew covered in black
and i make myself live with depression because i know better
i know that you make yourself feel the way that you do and i could change it at any moment
but im choosing not to
i want to feel the lonliness...the emotional pain...because then at least i know im feeling something
...what a piss off
i should really learn how to please myself before i start pleasing others...this is just getting ridiculous

Vision

beginning of another month...i cant wait till August...GREEN DAY CONCERT how bad ass there is nothing that is going to stand in between Billie and I...we where meant to make lovely, magical, beautiful...umm cupcakes ;)
I have a test in about thirty minutes but about 6 minutes to kill....thats 6 minutes that i can talk about how im not dating anymore...and i want to dont get me wrong...but i also would rather eat the hottest peppers ever grown then deal with another assssssshhhhoooolllleee....seriously tho guys are made of sex....so im good for a while...im just guna be the blondie lil chick thats obsessed with Green Day and skool...sounds pretty much perfect to me

oo and im going to burn 3000 calories a week just for the hell of it! hahahahahahahaha INCLINE PREPARE FOR MY BAD ASS BEHAVIOR