Ungrateful Let Down

You dont really know anyone good enough until you are spending day after day living around them. I swore that i knew what i was getting myself into, i swore i knew how to handle the ups and downs, the fights, the arguments....but what its come down to is the slow burning up of my self-esteem. I feel like i cant be good enough, that i never live up to the expectations set...and i aim to have fun, make mistakes and learn, i find myself contradiciting my actions, my words every now and then. I cant help it im human, i cant help if im not the cream of the crop, or the most value oriented person. I am who i am, and my best friend should except that, i shouldnt feel like im not good enough everyday...not like i did when i lived at home. So what im a terrible human being...im doing what i can to make emotional ends meet, im doing what i can to recover from the shocks and grief life throws in my face. I end up making some choices im not proud of but how else am i supposed to learn? and i dont need to be singled out, i just need to live and be loved. I just need to be accepted, i need to feel like fun is ok agian, and that i have a right to be respected. I shouldnt feel like i have to self inflict pain to my wrist everytime i am dissapproved of...the strong sensation of self mutilating rings with every thought when i cant grasp reality and hold on to happiness. Where did everything become so messed up? Whos really worth trusting anymore, who is really real? when will we all just learn to get along? i just want everyone to get along.