Fearless

So i have come to the conclusion that i have not lost my touch...guys like me...they talk to me, tell me im cute, share intrests with me, hang out with me, etc....but when am i ever going to be good enough to be the gurl that one guy cant live without? and this is what the battle between love and life is...its finding that balance...the one where he becomes reliable, caring, outgoing, and compassionate...all the things that i am capable of doing in a relationship. Yet it seems that they all fall short of something...one minute i think i just found Prince Charming...the next im being ignored and wonder why i even liked him in the first place...and ive become this person of no tolerance....if im not getting what i want i wont comprimise like i once used to....if he is displeasing to me i wont back down and let it go...i will move on until im the one be serenaded with attention, until im the one he cant be without...until he holds my hand to show every other gurl that im the one close to his heart. What does it take to be perfect? i have this huge heart with this never ending gift of giving back....i adore people who make me laugh...and i can hold a good conversation for hours...i have the ability to anything i set my mind too....where did i fall short...what is it going to take to make someone love me? whatever happened to love? ive mentioned before that love has become fear...but im fearless...therefore i have the capability to love uncondionally....and im willing to put that out there...and fine i have standards i admit that, but i would give up a lot for love in return. Gods greatest gift is love. He gave us the ability to love...so what makes love so wrong these days? where did commitment go? i suppose it drowned in the sea of gorgeous gurls...seems like that sea swallows a lot of good things these days....a sea of gurls has recently ended my two previous relationships....causing my so called boifriend to pick another gurl...leaving me with the comment..."i should have been more like her" even in the relationships where i havent been dumped there was always a gurl that concerned me...but i cant be anyone but myself...so do guys really exsist that want to be in a commited, loving relationship and honestly dont look at other gurls? and i suppose the thought comes to mind that we are too young...well i hope anyone who thinks that chokes on that thought cause its bullshit...i have enough experience at 18 to write a book on what to do and what not to do in a relationship...i could easily point out major failures of relationships and easy fixes for relationships...i could even give you an outline of a working relationship. Digressing from how smart i think i am...i am single...havnt been for long...but still im alone. I will however share a bit of detail on how this subject came about and how i am dealing with it. I like a guy....suprise suprise...and actually i am quite suprised on how fast i relapsed from my heartbreak which occured only weeks ago....this guy lives here in the dorms...not far away at all. I find that to be convient, we met last friday night after a soccer game, he had been room hoping and left his number on our whiteboard hung outside our door. I was the first one back to the dorm and the first one to take the number off the board and text him. He came around a bit later with his room mates and we chilled. At first he didnt seem anything special....but as he continued to speak...i began to get to know him better and better....he seemed sweet, fun, and cute. Him and his room mates stuck around for quite a while and it was really fun getting to know them all. They eventually left and i continued to text him...he came over later...this time alone...and yes there was some lip action. For a guy i met probably 5 hours in advance i was suprised that i made out with him...o well...it was worth it. So how could i be falling for him now all of a sudden? it hasnt even been a full week....i tend to read people very quickly, i can understand there intentions and somehow put them all together to create who they are...we have continued texting almost non-stop since the night we met...ive spent the night at his dorm and we shared multiple meals together. We have honestly hung out a lot in my opinon...between school and him going to work,,,,so whats the problem here? the problem here is that he is completely into me when we are alone/ with just his room mate...but when we are out and about on campus he will walk in front of me ( which i find extremely offensive ), hardly conversate with me...and wave at random gurls....fine i cant be jealous cause it hasnt been that long...but seriously do i really deserve to be lead on? so my actions now are vague....i am outraged by his behavior at lunch...he sat completely away from me and didnt even look at me or talk to me once....i put a lot into my last relationship...i gave a lot up for him and i gave a lot to him...now looking back that seems foolish...so with this new crush i have a different mind set...nothing will be given up for the sake of being with him until he can prove worthy otherwise....i will not text him after his outrageous behavior at lunch...i will not be jealous towards his contact with any other gurl...and i will not care (not become heartless)...if he is worth my time then he will prove it eventually...he will find a way to be with me...but i wont walk down a one way street agian ...i refuse to be foolish and vulnerable...i have a lot to give...but i will only give it to the guy who proves he wants it.